Kevin Bradford

Later this year my wife and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary. {Still trying to decide how we plan on celebrating…with a baby on the way, a growing church, etc…}

This week I want to spend each day focusing on 5 things I wish I had known right before and during the first couple of years of marriage.

#1. The thrill of the chase does not have to end!

If you are a guy reading this I think you will understand the chase! If you are a female I will spend a few moments explaining. As a guy who had fallen head over heals for my wife, I had the thrill of trying to woo her! The excitement that came with every opportunity to make her laugh, look into her eyes, and try to steal her heart was a part of the chase!

I did things specifically to make her fall in love with me, and I was growing in my love for her throughout this time.

It sounds mushy and like a wonderful “girly movie”, but the reality is that it was exciting for me and for her. Once I got married we continued to date, and go out all the time to do fun stuff, because we did not have any children. Fast forward 3 1/2 years when our first daughter was born.

During the first couple years of our oldest daughters life things were pretty rough. I worked full-time, was a children’s pastor, went to college full-time, and tried to be a husband and father. The chase was over…

It took every bit of my energy to simply provide and survive for my families sake. I wish someone had sit me down and explained a few things. Please, do not get me wrong I had some great people in my life that looked out for me, but no-one really putting me in my place. If I had it all to do over again, I will still follow that path, but I would have done one single thing different!

I would have continued the chase!     Fast forward 3 years …

In 2007, I really began to focus on the chase again! The excitement of bringing home random gifts for my wife, not just the kids, the last minute date nights where we could grab dinner and a movie. In addition, we began to plan nights to go on a date. I hope you understand, I am not perfect in this by any means, but I am much better than I used to be.

My motivation for each post the next 5 days is to encourage you, and explain what I wish I had known. I wish someone had told me, NEVER STOP THE CHASE!

My marriage has had some rough days, months, and maybe even a couple of rough years. There were times I loved my wife, but was just blah about everyday life as a married man. I am being honest with you here, and I know it happens to WAY TO MANY COUPLES!

If you are dating, just married, or have been married twenty years I encourage you to start planning date nights today!  Begin to think about little things you can surprise your spouse with on a day-to-day basis. It could be as simple as bringing Starbucks home one morning, or buying clothes.

Here are a few things I have done the last couple of years:
1. Bought my wife a whole new wardrobe. I mean everything, seriously! {Hint: I bought things I think she would look cute or HOT in!}
2. I began planning times monthly for us to go out to dinner and discuss anything other than ministry and parenting!
3. We began to schedule specific family nights, weekly, that nothing can interfere with, especially ministry! {This is with the whole family, but it strengthens my marriage}
4. I began randomly bringing things home or scheduling fun things. {dinner, treats, fun movies for the family, etc..}
5. In 2009 we have added 1 out-of-town get-a-away per quarter. These are not expensive and sometimes do include family, even ministry meetings for 1 or 2 hours. These times are refreshing and fun to just get away!

These may not be the same things your marriage needs, but if you have not continued the chase, your marriage will suffer at some point. Marriage is work, and it is the most important relationship you have with another person in life.

Check back tomorrow for #2.