Transitions 3 of 3

November 25, 2009

Over the past month I have been sharing about transitions in our life. The reality that we must understand is that change happens every single day in our lives. That change is situational, and affects in many ways. Transitions however is the inner process of how we deal with the change.

The one change that has happened recently in my life, that has definitely affected my daily life is the birth of our first son! The little man as I find myself calling him often is my third child. I have two daughters who are wonderful, smart, a great joy, and inspiring. With that said, adding a third child to our home has impacted it in a profound way!

The change begin to occur with the surprise that my wife was pregnant (read more here).  Then on Friday, November 13th, my wife gave birth to our little one. The change definitely created a new situation in our house. We had not had diapers or formula for a couple of years, and now we have those items upstairs and downstairs, in the car, and in a bag to carry around.

The situation changed, but now we are in the midst of transition. We are trying to balance spending time taking care of our newborn, and spending time with our two older girls. Making sure that we keep all the baby items clean, and allowing our girls feel like they are participating in caring for him. For those of you with multiple kids, you will understand this change, for those of you who were like me before, I did not. Honestly, I thought I got it, but having the 2nd made me understand the difference in dealing with multiples over a single child. It did not prepare me for the age gap that our children are now. It is a blessing, but it definitely is requiring a transition.

This change and transition, I welcome as a major BLESSING!

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Transitions {2 of 3}

November 17, 2009

Over the last couple of weeks I have been sharing about the various transitions going on in my life. Today I want to share a little about my personal transitions.

1. The largest transition was the birth of our new baby boy! Our son was born this past Friday, and it has already transitioned several things in our home. More will come I am sure, as our family continues to transition to having a baby in the house, and a boy at that!

2. The other major transition in my personal life is the GYM!

I know what many of you maybe thinking: “The last thing I want to hear about is another loosing weight or working out”. In reality that is not what I want to talk about.  My goal is to lose weight, and my goals are to be healthier for my 3 children and my beautiful wife! The reason I wanted to share about this transition in my life is because it has begun to transform many of my views about my health, my ability to accomplish my goals, and what I am going to do about it.

You see for years I was frustrated with my health situation, and finally God asked me a life changing question one morning while I was praying about it.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?” — You see that question can be applied to so many areas of our lives. I realized that for years I complained about it, and talked about it with people, yet I was doing nothing about it!  So the GYM for me has been about doing something about the areas of my life that I was frustrated with, and taking the outcomes into my own hands.

The last thing I wanted to make a statement about is that heading the GYM has made me feel great! I absolutely love the feeling of getting a hard workout in, then showering and getting ready for my day. My attitude is better, my energy is up, and my outlook is a little lighter. The unfortunate result is I find myself being tired earlier in the evening, however that is probably a good thing too!

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More Transitions {1 of 3}

November 10, 2009

As I mentioned last week in my blog transitions I have been pondering, studying, and seeking God on the many transitions in my life.

Here are few more insights into what I have done:

1. Preaching: How can I transition my preaching so that I honor God, and I honor all those men who have gone before me that I have the privilege of proclaiming the Word of God!

1.a. What is my purpose in preaching each week?

One way that I addressed the 1. was through attending a Summit Ministries International conference in October called “Preaching the Word with Power and Anointing”. It was an amazing opportunity to hear some domestic and international leaders speak on the art, opportunity, and reverence of preaching.

In addition, I have began planning and preparing a preaching calendar well in advance, got 2010 done {praying over it}, and working on graphics, props, and media support for those already. This will allow me and our worship team to be more creative in our approach and give the presentation of the Gospel the preparation, respect, and admiration that it deserves.

That brings me to 1.a.
I really prayed and focused on why am I preaching week after week. I finally determined that the reason I am preaching each week is to help grow healthy believers who are passionately seeking and nurturing a relationship with Jesus Christ and becoming more Kingdom minded believers. This reason includes introducing unbelivears, unchurched, and dechurched to the freedom that comes with living in the Kingdom. A secondary, yet vitally important part of my preaching includes preparing and training up the saints for the work of ministry.

One of the things, I have been working on for a couple of months, and feel I am finally beginning to start being effective is giving away those things that others can do, and probably do better than I do.

This weekend, for the first time ever, I showed up to pray, worship, and preach then simply went home. I did no set-up, no prep work, and no clean up or tear down. It was freeing moment for me.

If your asking why I mention this on my blog, I just thought it might share a little insight into how important I find our weekly time together at Overflow.

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Transitions

November 3, 2009

Over the last several weeks God has really been speaking to me about transitions.  As I began to process the things in which Father was speaking to me, I began to realize that transition was happening all around me. Our family, our church, and many ways with me personally.

Our family:

My wife is due with our third child in one week from today. Our youngest has been out of diapers for a couple of years, so this will definitely be a major transitions. Diapers and formula will once again be common place in my home. This is a major transition.

Our Church:

Since October began our churches changes have kept pace with falling of leaves here in Wisconsin.  Earlier this month I attended the SMI Conference Summit Ministries International Leadership Conference in Lubbock, Texas. The conference was on Preaching the Word with power and anointing. It was an amazing conference that not only confirmed several of the transitions that God has been laying on my heart, but it also ignited a fire for a new level of creativity and ingenuity.

Through processing the things I learned and gleaned from that conference our church is in the process of transitioning how we handle several processes. We are looking at how our presentation software is used in our services, how our Life Group guides are distributed and followed up on. I have been working on my preaching by transitioning my preparation process and my format/style.

There are more transitions that we are working on, and those of you who are Overflowers will get to see them in the coming weeks.

Personally:

In many ways this the hardest of the three to deal with and make sure the transition is smooth. In early October I joined a local gym and have been working our regularly for almost a month now. The working out is wonderful, and I love the refreshed feeling that I have as I head to the office.

In addition, to working out I have focused on my eating. I am by no means perfect, but the 5 fruits & vegetables in addition to watching the amount I eat. I am eating about 50% less than I did 6 to 8 weeks ago.

Those are the MAJOR transitions in my life right now, any new ones in your life?

P.S. my blog is now at kevinjbradford.com

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5 things I wish I had known when I got married!

May 11, 2009

# 5 I wish my new wife and I had known to check our baggage at the church before we got married!

Some of you maybe thinking, what is he talking about? The truth is that each one of us enters every new relationship with baggage. We have past hurts, past victories, past activities, and many other items that create baggage.

When we enter that relationship sometimes we treat or react to the new relationship based on baggage from the previous situation or relationship. My wife and I both had baggage.

I am going to be honest with you! We did not have a lot baggage that was too severe, but what we did have made for a few rough times in our first couple of years of marriage. She would act or react based on past experiences, and I would do the same. One of the areas of my baggage dealt with my parents relationship and how I perceived at times the marriage relationship should be dealt with.

Please hear me on this, I am not saying that my parents relationship was bad, but I had made assumptions, right or wrong, and then tried to play out that situation in my own marriage, when in fact our marriage is very different from my parents!

When someone walks down the isle today, it is absolutely important that these people are able to do the following things whole-heartedly:

1. Check your baggage of past hurts at the door!
2. Check your baggage of personal agenda’s at the door! {Must now think of each other}
3. Check your baggage of my “my parents” or “my mom” did it this way! {Men this is a hard one, you love your mom!}
4. Check your baggage of past relationships at the door!
5. Check your baggage of how marriage should work at the door! {This will be learned the next year or two!}
6. Check your baggage of how your husband / wife should be once we are married! {dealt with this a lot in counseling!}

I want to be very clear! These are simply things I have learned in my marriage, and in doing marriage counseling over the last several years. It is by no means a complete list, but it is the list I wish I had known or been told when I was first married!

In the last 5 posts, I have touched on just a few things I wish I had known! Not all of them were problems for me and my wife, but had I known them, I could have made better choices along the way, or maybe I could have helped us one way or another!

One thing is for sure! I love my wife, and I am excited to be celebrating 10 years of being married to her later this summer! Since she is pregnant with our third, we will not be taking the trip we had hoped or purchasing the new bed room furniture (our goals for year 10), but we will be celebrating TEN years of GOD bringing us closer together and further along in HIM! I am thankful for my wife, and the fact God has allowed me to be so blessed to have a wife that after ten years, some hard and a few harder, that we are more in love now, and living the best days of our life so far!

One thing I know for sure! The best days of our marriage are yet ahead!

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5 Things I Wish I knew When I Got Married!

May 8, 2009

Sorry I missed Thursday’s post. I ran over in my prayer and study time, and ended up not having enough time to post. So I will post #4 now, and then #5 on Monday.

#4 That the path that we are on, will take us where it is going, not where we intend to go!

This is a principle that I have known for a while, and was spoken to me a lot when I was being discipled by my pastor in Texas.

If you are on a walking path where are you going? To whereever that path leads! It does not matter if you want to walk to the park area, if the path leads to the baseball fields and you stay on the path you will end up at the baseball fields.

You see if you get up this morning and you want to go North to Canada for the weekend, but you get onto US Highway 41 South bound you will not be heading to Canada. Your intensions maybe to go to Canada, but your path is leading to Texas!

I have driven cross country atleast one a year for about the last 10 years, most years multiple trips have occurred. I cannot tell  you the number of times I have gotten onto I-44 going west, when I was trying to go East. Yes, sometimes it is that easy to see we are on the wrong path.

Othertimes, like when I drive in DFW I occassionaly get onto 121 south, instead of north, because the exit is the same, and then it splits. Not living there I have made the mistake a couple of times, and then had to be told I was going the wrong way, or realizing it when I did not recognize the stores.

You see sometimes it is difficult to know which path will lead us to where we intend to go.

To paraphrase Andy Stanly, “you will only go where the path you are on will take you, no matter your intensions!” I recently listened to his Principle of the Path leadership podcast (you should download it). It put a lot detail to what I had already realized, but did not know how to communicate well.

At this point, Ashlee and I have meetings or long discussions once in a while to make sure we are on the same page, and going the same direction.

The last one was in March, and we made some hard decisions, along with some fun ones. The fruit of that meeting has been amazing! We know we are on the same page, and moving in the same direction. In addition, the communication is great in those areas, because we know we are on board.

Question to Ponder: If everyone in your church is on a plane to LA, are you on that plane or are you on a plane to Alanta? {Famous Qoute from Brandon Honeycutt}

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5 things I wish I had known when I got married!

May 6, 2009

#3 Make sure your money, especially credit is working for you!

One of the greatest mistakes that Ashlee and I made as a young couple was not monitoring the type of credit we had, and how to make it work for us. In addition, we did not know a lot of about investing and did not pay much attention.

In all reality, we both have a very good knowledge base built around both, but thought it would come, and the time woul d be okay. We had a few credit cards,  and some medical debt. Not much different than the average American right?

Most American’s today carry a substantial amount of debt including: credit cards, cars, boats, credit cards, medical debt, and all other sorts of responsibilities. The problem with financial burdens such as debt is that it becomes very easy to be weighed down with life. I often say when preaching that we want to see those in debt be set free, and to live a life not burdened with life.

Early in our marriage, we were burdened with life. Too much debt, not enough income, and trying to live a little larger than we should.  I have heard good biblical teaching on finances state that “it is not how much you make, but how you manage it.” I think it is true in 99% of cases. At times it was definitely true for us, and at other times we had nothing to manage. Even in those times we could have made a lot of different choices that would have allowed us to manage our money.

Furthermore, we spent those early years spending every dime we made to keep on keeping on, if you know what I mean. We did not save or invest a lot. If I had it to do over again, I would have invested a little more into 401ks and a lot more into a Roth IRA before we had children, and could afford to save more.

The overall take away is that I wish I had known that credit should always work for you, and your money should be working for you. Neither credit nor money should be working against you!

Too many couples today are drowning in debt, and credit cards with no real end in sight! I personally have a little credit card debt that I acquired to help build a credit score, since we had no debt for five years. We are using the credit to our advantage.

My goal for 2009 & 2010 is to pay off all debt except for our home. Then in 2011 I want to start a 3 year plan to reduce our mortgage to 25% of the original purchase price. It would allow me to have paid off my 30 year mortgage in 7 years.

Now that I am smarter went to business school, and grew up a little through a few hard knocks in my finances and marriage, I think that I am finally making my credit and money work for me, instead of against me!

Check back tomorrow for “understanding your path”

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5 things I wish I had known when I got married!

May 5, 2009

#2. Purchase a House as soon as possible!

Ashlee and I purchased our first house in 2008, which was 9 years into our marriage! I loved purchasing the house we live in, and it met all the expectations Ashlee and I had for a house. The problem is that we had those expectations since about year three or four of our marriage.

When we first got married, we were not sure where we wanted to live, and our families (mine and hers) had just gone through some family crisis. We moved back and forth across the country twice in the first year. So we waited on purchasing a house while we traveled back and forth.

Once we moved back to Texas and decided to stay there while I went to school, we were given advice, “DO NOT PURCHASE A HOUSE!”  Someone who I looked to for coaching in this area gave me horrible advice. They explain I should not purchase a house, especially since I was in ministry and wanted to pastor.

His questions included:
“Where will you pastor in 3 years?” — “What will you do with the house if you move right after graduation?” — “How will you afford it as a student?”

The problem is that we lived in Texas another 6 1/2 years, which was all three years of college, 1 year of grad school, and 2 more years as a pastor of the church we had attended the whole time.

We did look at one house once. We decided not to buy it, because the payment was OUTRAGEOUS! {that is 444.00 a month for those of you who want to know what OUTRAGEOUS was at the time}

The problem is this: we moved out of our dirty, cheap apartment into a rent house and paid $600 a month a few months later.

We threw money away for years, and gained no equity during that time. You see we could have bought that $55,000 house for $444.00 a month and probably lived there happily while in Texas. Then when we moved to WI from Texas, in Texas a similar house was running around $70,000. If we had purchased it, we would have had some good money to put down on our house in Wisconsin.

We ended up purchasing close to our dream house last year. God has taken care of us, and we are so thankful and blessed! Praise God, he opened up this house at the right time, for the right price {bought way under appraised value}.

My advice:

Purchase a house as soon as possible! If you are going to live in an area 3 to 5 years it is worth it! If you are concerned about replacing major appliances then you can purchase New Home Buyers insurance. It runs around 550 a year and covers all major appliances. Things I realized in this last year is that things do go wrong, but most of them are minor, and you learn quickly how to deal with them.

I have also learned, that people who make more money than I do, people you or I might consider “wealthy or makes a ton!” struggle to find the dough to pay for things too!

If you purchase a starter house when your first married, you can buy up later. I have friends in Texas who bought their first house 10 years ago, and now live in house 2 or 3. They purchased cheap, did some minor upgrades and sold while the market was up. They then had good money for a down payment on house number 2 and many of them pay a very similar monthly payment and price for house number 2 even though it is WAY nicer!

Purchasing a house is a wonderful investment, and it will help you learn skills that you will eventually need to know. You might as well learn them as a young, energetic newly wed than 9 years in like I am.

You do what you want, but if I had to do it over again, this is one decision I would change! Living in our HOUSE has been one of the most rewarding things this past 14 months. We talked about it last night on OUR deck. Funny, since she did not know I was writing this today!

Check back tomorrow for #3…”it deals with money”

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5 things I wish I had known when I got married!

May 4, 2009

Later this year my wife and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary. {Still trying to decide how we plan on celebrating…with a baby on the way, a growing church, etc…}

This week I want to spend each day focusing on 5 things I wish I had known right before and during the first couple of years of marriage.

#1. The thrill of the chase does not have to end!

If you are a guy reading this I think you will understand the chase! If you are a female I will spend a few moments explaining. As a guy who had fallen head over heals for my wife, I had the thrill of trying to woo her! The excitement that came with every opportunity to make her laugh, look into her eyes, and try to steal her heart was a part of the chase!

I did things specifically to make her fall in love with me, and I was growing in my love for her throughout this time.

It sounds mushy and like a wonderful “girly movie”, but the reality is that it was exciting for me and for her. Once I got married we continued to date, and go out all the time to do fun stuff, because we did not have any children. Fast forward 3 1/2 years when our first daughter was born.

During the first couple years of our oldest daughters life things were pretty rough. I worked full-time, was a children’s pastor, went to college full-time, and tried to be a husband and father. The chase was over…

It took every bit of my energy to simply provide and survive for my families sake. I wish someone had sit me down and explained a few things. Please, do not get me wrong I had some great people in my life that looked out for me, but no-one really putting me in my place. If I had it all to do over again, I will still follow that path, but I would have done one single thing different!

I would have continued the chase!     Fast forward 3 years …

In 2007, I really began to focus on the chase again! The excitement of bringing home random gifts for my wife, not just the kids, the last minute date nights where we could grab dinner and a movie. In addition, we began to plan nights to go on a date. I hope you understand, I am not perfect in this by any means, but I am much better than I used to be.

My motivation for each post the next 5 days is to encourage you, and explain what I wish I had known. I wish someone had told me, NEVER STOP THE CHASE!

My marriage has had some rough days, months, and maybe even a couple of rough years. There were times I loved my wife, but was just blah about everyday life as a married man. I am being honest with you here, and I know it happens to WAY TO MANY COUPLES!

If you are dating, just married, or have been married twenty years I encourage you to start planning date nights today!  Begin to think about little things you can surprise your spouse with on a day-to-day basis. It could be as simple as bringing Starbucks home one morning, or buying clothes.

Here are a few things I have done the last couple of years:
1. Bought my wife a whole new wardrobe. I mean everything, seriously! {Hint: I bought things I think she would look cute or HOT in!}
2. I began planning times monthly for us to go out to dinner and discuss anything other than ministry and parenting!
3. We began to schedule specific family nights, weekly, that nothing can interfere with, especially ministry! {This is with the whole family, but it strengthens my marriage}
4. I began randomly bringing things home or scheduling fun things. {dinner, treats, fun movies for the family, etc..}
5. In 2009 we have added 1 out-of-town get-a-away per quarter. These are not expensive and sometimes do include family, even ministry meetings for 1 or 2 hours. These times are refreshing and fun to just get away!

These may not be the same things your marriage needs, but if you have not continued the chase, your marriage will suffer at some point. Marriage is work, and it is the most important relationship you have with another person in life.

Check back tomorrow for #2.

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Swingset # 2

April 28, 2009

Now that you know the beginning of the story….

Here is the rest of the story…

On Saturday April 16th, I began the journey of building a Rainbow Play System All American Kingdm Swing Set!

We had 1 children’s pastor, 1 general contractor & construction company owner, 1 airplane painter (general builder), and me!

We began out the day by setting out all the wood, bolts, screws, and accessories. Sounds easy right? Yeah Right! This part of the process took almost 2 hours to get it all sorted, labeled, and read the instructions.

We worked for an additional 7 hours and ended up finishing 6 of 24 steps.

We were only 1/4 of the way done after a full days work. (at least we had fun!)

So Friday I took the day off, and JoNathan came over to help from 10 until 4.  Those precious 6 hours were spent leveling the swingset, and then building 3 more steps. After he left, I was able to get 2 more steps done.

Then in the last few minutes I was tightening one of my last few bolts of the day, and the wrench slipped and I got nailed in the nose. Yep!

Here is the Friday breakdown: 5 more steps done, 2 exhausted men, and 1 broken nose.

Some exciting news is that I finished 1 1/2 more steps tonight. I will work more tomorrow night to try and get into the home stretch.

This whole process has been a pain in the neck! It has been very frustrating at times, and very enjoyable at others.

The thing that keeps coming to mind when I am working on it is that every victory requires a price to be paid!

In order to get to the place, where my kids have a fantastic swing-set that I only dreamed of as a kid, I must pay the price of long days and a couple missed families times.

Overall: decision is worth it! (Next Swing-Set post will be once it is done and I will post a couple of pictures.)

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